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Book
Signings |
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New Stuff Below! |
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Check back for the next
book signing dates… |
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Last Updated 12/31/07 |
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All the way at the
bottom… |
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Interview
with Sally Jessy Raphael |
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Sam was interviewed on
Tuesday June 19, 2007. We hope to |
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the excerpt of the show
with Sam's segment before too long… |
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Sam's Next
Book -- And His Favorite Resources! |
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Sam's next
book is titled "The Organ Grinder and the Monkey" -- more info to
follow, so check back soon! |
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| And CLICK HERE to visit PMA, the Independent Book Publishers
Association |
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Read… |
My Profile at OnceWritten.com: |
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http://www.oncewritten.com/Profile.php?AID=SamMoffie |
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Read… |
SWAP as Featured at
OnceWritten.com: |
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http://www.oncewritten.com/Title.php?TID=Swap |
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Read… |
My Nov. 06 Essay (Below)
at OnceWritten.com: |
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http://www.oncewritten.com/MeetTheAuthorEssay.php?AID=SamMoffie |
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Did you know you could
buy SWAP on-line at Amazon.com or |
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at
BarnesAndNoble.com? Check them out… |
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Of course, I don't get as
high a royalty! -- Sam |
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You can now get SWAP in
Australia -- with a NEW COVER, no less! |
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My profile Page: |
http://www.shaminosrealm.com.au/sam.htm |
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SWAP's Page: |
http://www.shaminosrealm.com.au/swap.htm |
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I'm
using these guys to get me to the top of search engines. |
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Check them out… |
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Sam's Latest Short Story:
Jewish Lightening |
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Click Here to see Photos from my Reading at the Oakland
Center for the Performing Arts. |
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Sam's Ramblings -- "Column as I see
'em" |
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TWO NEW
ITEMS POSTED 12/31/07 -- WEBMASTER WAS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL! (Sorry, Sam! -Shags) |
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Posted December 2007 |
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GOD BLESS YOU MR. VONNEGUT! |
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When I was a
boy -- 5,000 bottles of merlot ago --
I thought by age 47 it would be a lot easier to break into the
limelight. Now I know how Kilgore
Trout felt. The man had hundreds of books written and the only magazine he
could find his name in print, were rags that were very poor by pornographic
standards. Wait a minute; at least he
was getting published regularly. |
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Based upon
my recent experiences in trying to find a reputable agent and/or a publishing
house, it appears that American icon Kurt Vonnegut, like his creation Kilgore
Trout would only be published in tasteless porno magazines in today’s totally
absurd literary world. |
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What do I mean? |
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I have spent
the better part of three months sending out 90% intact Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions to various
agents and publishing places disguised as The Perfect Martini, only to be
rejected time in and time out by all BUT ONE agent, who recognized my sample
20 pages as the first 20 pages of Breakfast of
Champions. |
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Think of
that dear reader! If Kurt Vonnegut would be, say my age of 47, we wouldn’t
know of him and his characters, because the publishing world would have
ignored him or as two publishing houses said to me in their little ratty form
rejection notes in envelopes THAT I paid the postage for: “Unfortunately, we
have to take a pass,” or “We made our selection, and sorry your story didn’t
fit our needs.” I wonder how these two
press houses being university affiliated will feel when they get the notice
from me about whose writing THEY actually did turn down. For you see, Kurt
Vonnegut’s books have always done so well with the university crowd. |
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Not
only am I a huge fan of Vonnegut as a reader; his writing has also served as
a sort of teacher for me to try my new trade as a writer of fiction.
Although, it is very hard for me to picture Kurt Vonnegut receiving rejection
after rejection from notable agents and agencies who after turning you down,
do not even send you a personal rejection slip, but scribble a few lines on
the original query and mail back to me in my pre-paid stamped addressed
envelope how “the work doesn’t fit their need.” “Thanks, I’ll take a pass.”
My favorite is: “Not taking on new writers.” How does that one strike you?
Imagine how these uber-agents will feel when I inform them how they have
rejected the work of Kurt Vonnegut? |
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This leads
me to question a few things. One, obviously, did the agents I query even read
the submission? Two, if they did, did they ever read Vonnegut? Three, if they
didn’t ever read Vonnegut, what are they doing selling themselves to authors
as literary agents who handle fiction?
And most importantly, four, has an agency or publishing house ever
bought a stamp? |
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I think Mr.
Vonnegut would appreciate this story. At least he would admire my imagination
in attempting to shine a very small light on today’s publishing world. For
sure, Kilgore Trout would be pretty happy with my attempt to kick the
publishing world right in the tush and hopefully shake it out of the slumber
it is in when it comes to non-linear fiction, un-known authors, non-celebrity
books, diet books, fantasy books, how-to books, legal books, horror books,
did I mention non-linear and unknown authors? |
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I have been
warned by many, that my attempt might
embarrass a few people, agents and publishing houses to boycott me. That
this”hoax” of mine will backfire, because Kurt Vonnegut has only been dead
for a short time and the book I picked only 34 years old. My response is two-fold. What, they won’t
publish me? They are ignoring me already. Furthermore, I turn to Kurt Vonnegut himself for help. |
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In 1954 he
was hired by Sports Illustrated.
Knowing very little about sports he was given a picture of a horse which was
jumping a fence. Vonnegut spent some time pondering what to write as the
caption. His one-line was: “The horse
jumped over the f---ing
fence.” He walked out after leaving that masterpiece. |
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I guess you could say
like Vonnegut, I am taking a chance. |
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And, so it goes. |
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To Have Been Posted on
October 2007 (My bad! - Shags) |
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THE PRISIONER OF LOCKWOOD BOULEVARD |
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But can I
really call myself that now? Spousal separation and impending divorce which
has forced me into new digs at a new address says that I can’t. But what transpired in leading up to this
situation says I can. |
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How does one
become a prisoner in their own home? I
want to blame my own imprisonment upon the accident that has changed my life.
My turning point. My Gettysburg. My Waterloo.
At least it is easy to understand. |
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In
July of 2006 I was driving to my primary income producing source (HINT: it wasn’t to go to pick-up a royalty check
for my novel.), when I was broadsided-“T-boned,” as the police officer told
me. |
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Whatever one
calls it, I was scared. Two things I thought would happen never did. One, I
didn’t have a conversation with a representative from the Almighty. And two,
I didn’t wet or shit myself. Horror of horrors to think that that I would
look like the RATSO RIZZO character
from “MIDNIGHT COWBOY,” when I was wheeled into the hospital to be made fun
of after the people from the rescue scene had pointed at my soiled clothes,
giggled and informed the emergency room personal what to expect. |
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Not to mention the
people in the ambulance. |
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I didn’t
feel all that bad. My wife had arrived, after my oldest son had alerted her
to the scene and the extent of the damage. As the rescue team cut me out of
the SUV, she reluctantly held my hand. She only asked me one thing “Is your
insurance paid up?” |
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That is when
I knew I was going to be the Prisoner of Lockwood Boulevard. I just wasn’t
ready for what those terms of imprisonment were going to be. |
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Before I get
into my prison term, let me venture back to that eventful (In my life anyway)
early morning of July 16th, 2006 when I was almost killed. Before I tell you
about the flashing light I saw as I lay motionless, not to mention scared
shitless (which has been mentioned before), let me say a few words about
people who drive without insurance. |
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In
Ohio, to register your car, you need to have insurance. You go into the DMV and tell them you do
and you sign a little piece of paper saying so. You do not have to show a
paid-up-to-date insurance card. No
other proof is required. Now, how many people lie? Now, how many people don’t have insurance
when they sign a piece of paper saying that they do? "A lot" is the answer to the
aforementioned questions, including the asshole that plowed into me. What should I expect from a state that
requires you to fill out a form when you purchase fireworks in it that you
will not set those fireworks off you just bought in Ohio? If, you believe
that, you need to come to my neighborhood on July 4th, and see World War III
start as soon as night falls. |
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Insurance
was so much on my mind that even as I laid in the ER and the incompetent
Youngstown police officer called in to investigate the crash asked me
questions, I kept asking him to go and find out if the guy who just crashed
into me at 4:00am and left the scene of the accident had any insurance. After
all, you had the car right there that he was driving. |
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The
financial ramifications to me as a result of this accident have been
terrible. A big loss of steady income from my managing a bar, and a
separation that is now in divorce stages from my wife being the two main
culprits. However, it did give me a lot of time to write, write and write
some more. And, for that, I am grateful -- not the accident -- but finding
some constructive and worthwhile to do with my time. This last year made me
utilize my time to learn the trade of TRYING to become a successful author.
That time put in as The Prisoner of Lockwood Blvd. has been so valuable in
that regard. As stated before, I
learned to write, write and write some more. Re-write, re-write and re-write
some more. Then, I learned to repeat
the aforementioned. Still, I had my problem—editing. Storytelling in its non-linear form is my
strength. Character development and themes I do a damn good job with.
Spelling and grammar -- well just say that I was at my most hearing impaired
when the English teachers were informing the class. |
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So, the
Prisoner of Lockwood Blvd. used his time to find an editor to help me that I
could. I actually found three thanks to the miracle of the Internet and
watching my writing and reputation (and sales) grow! Alas, I have one person to thank—my jailer.
For, if my ex-wife-to-be-Helen wouldn’t have shut me up and out, I might have
continued going down the path I was. It is truly amazing how things change
and can change for the better if we look back and digest accordingly. Time was the big help. Because of her
selfishness in regards to keeping me at the house, I now had the time and had
to use that time correctly. Luckily for me, I did just that. Don’t get me
wrong; in her passive-aggressive style she wanted it to be tortuous. |
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She
was a lot smarter than I thought. Without a car in today’s world I was a
prisoner — even in Youngstown, Ohio, which is no Southern California, where
you have to have a car to drive to the end of your driveway to get the
newspaper. |
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So, what
does a guy who has been very active and routine based with his errands do
when he has been “T-boned,” and laid up with broken bones? And, to make
matters worse, left high and dry by his wife-who he thought, would be there
to nurse him (And, she is a nurse!)? At least I thought she would ferry me
around. She had done a good job being mother and taxi driver for the kids,
why not her injured husband? |
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I’ll tell
you why. She wanted out of the marriage and she was going to do everything in
her power to make me squirm while it was going on. She wasn’t going to help me—even if I had
procured a million dollar book deal. Well, maybe with that I might have
gotten some sympathy. |
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But, being
her prisoner got me writing, rewriting and marketing. I was able to finish
two complete manuscripts and start learning my new profession, the best part
is the stares I get from people when they ask me what I do and I respond “I
write fiction.” |
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It’s harder
than surviving a car crash and trying to repair a broken marriage, but it is
worth it. |
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Posted January 2007 |
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Outsourcing is Not for
the Hearing Impaired |
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No, not that
someone who is handicapped via a hearing loss couldn’t be on the phone
calling up anyone in America and be trying to sell that anyone insurance for
their credit cards or ragging on them for being late with their mortgage
payments, credit card payments, car loan payments or any other type of
payments that we Americans, but especially I am known for being late
with.
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